Abuse: How could this have happened to me??
You are not alone.
It;s hard to admit, and take action, when abuse happens in your relationship. Most of us are in denial, and constantly wonder how this ever happened to us. I know, because I've been through it and fortunately got out.
Watch this video and you might feel better about how you got here. Then scroll down and check out a wide variety of resources, including an empowering video at the end. Our heart goes out to you and any children you may have.
Watch this video and you might feel better about how you got here. Then scroll down and check out a wide variety of resources, including an empowering video at the end. Our heart goes out to you and any children you may have.
Hotlines
These hotlines are staffed 24/7/365. Friends and family are also encouraged to call.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline 800.799.SAFE (7233)
- VA Family Violence & Sexual Assault Line 800.838.8238
- Fairfax Victim Assistance Network (VAN) 703.360.7273
- Artemis House (Fairfax County Shelter) 703.435.4940
Resources
How to Help Someone Dealing with Abuse
Check out this page on our website for tips and the video trailer Telling Amy's Story which gives insight into what someone's going through. All domestic violence hotlines welcome calls from family and friends wanting to help a victim of abuse.
The Domestic Violence System Advocate Program
The Women's Center, in Vienna and DC, offers a variety of free programs and services.
Call 703.281.4928
Women's Justice Center
Visit for insight and information geared towards victims as well as anyone trying to help them.
Legal Services of Northern VA
Pro Bono services are available and Helping abuse victims is one of this group's primary missions. Click to download Virginia: Women & Families in Crisis a 48-page booklet written for and anyone, but especially victims of abuse, who are facing separation, divorce, support, and custody decisions. It walks you though everything in an easy to understand way.
National Council of Juvenile & Family Court Judges
A variety of good, free publications are available here. Click title to download Managing Your Divorce: A Guide for Battered Women, written for battered women representing themselves in court cases involving child custody. It covers most aspects of the process as well as financial considerations, custody and divorce mediation, gathering evidence for trial, unsupervised visitation and safety planning, tips for dealing with custody evaluators, guidelines for selecting an expert witness, relocation and more. This guide was published by the National Council of Juvenile & Family Court Judges (NCJFCJ), in 1998, and is available in English, Spanish, Mandarin and Korean. Note: NCJFC published this guide as a helpful tool, but in no way recommends you go into court unrepresented.
Legal Services of Northern VA
Pro Bono services are available and Helping abuse victims is one of this group's primary missions. Click to download Virginia: Women & Families in Crisis a 48-page booklet written for and anyone, but especially victims of abuse, who are facing separation, divorce, support, and custody decisions. It walks you though everything in an easy to understand way.
WomensLaw.org
Worth the click. Visit for information on restraining orders, custody, finding a lawyer, getting ready to leave, preparing for court, state statutes, and more.
Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (DAHMW)
A non-profit online community, DAHMW was established to address the lack of studies and services for male victims of abuse. It is at the forefront of today’s new perspectives on Intimate Partner Abuse and actively assists the research community. DAHWM offers 6-week virtual support groups for men. Online Chat is available and you can also call their helpline at 1.888.7helpline (743.5754).
Check out this page on our website for tips and the video trailer Telling Amy's Story which gives insight into what someone's going through. All domestic violence hotlines welcome calls from family and friends wanting to help a victim of abuse.
The Domestic Violence System Advocate Program
The Women's Center, in Vienna and DC, offers a variety of free programs and services.
Call 703.281.4928
Women's Justice Center
Visit for insight and information geared towards victims as well as anyone trying to help them.
Legal Services of Northern VA
Pro Bono services are available and Helping abuse victims is one of this group's primary missions. Click to download Virginia: Women & Families in Crisis a 48-page booklet written for and anyone, but especially victims of abuse, who are facing separation, divorce, support, and custody decisions. It walks you though everything in an easy to understand way.
National Council of Juvenile & Family Court Judges
A variety of good, free publications are available here. Click title to download Managing Your Divorce: A Guide for Battered Women, written for battered women representing themselves in court cases involving child custody. It covers most aspects of the process as well as financial considerations, custody and divorce mediation, gathering evidence for trial, unsupervised visitation and safety planning, tips for dealing with custody evaluators, guidelines for selecting an expert witness, relocation and more. This guide was published by the National Council of Juvenile & Family Court Judges (NCJFCJ), in 1998, and is available in English, Spanish, Mandarin and Korean. Note: NCJFC published this guide as a helpful tool, but in no way recommends you go into court unrepresented.
Legal Services of Northern VA
Pro Bono services are available and Helping abuse victims is one of this group's primary missions. Click to download Virginia: Women & Families in Crisis a 48-page booklet written for and anyone, but especially victims of abuse, who are facing separation, divorce, support, and custody decisions. It walks you though everything in an easy to understand way.
WomensLaw.org
Worth the click. Visit for information on restraining orders, custody, finding a lawyer, getting ready to leave, preparing for court, state statutes, and more.
Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women (DAHMW)
A non-profit online community, DAHMW was established to address the lack of studies and services for male victims of abuse. It is at the forefront of today’s new perspectives on Intimate Partner Abuse and actively assists the research community. DAHWM offers 6-week virtual support groups for men. Online Chat is available and you can also call their helpline at 1.888.7helpline (743.5754).
Computer Safety. If you are in an abusive situation, protect yourself by deleting your search history.Visit this Wiki page to learn how.
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What is Domestic Violence?
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If the communication in your home has broken down so much that one person's anger and control issues rule your family, you most likely are in a domestic violence (DV) situation.
It happens in many ways, such as yelling, threats, verbal put-downs, withholding money, bodily harm, and more. And, although it primarily happens to women, men also can be victims.
Abuse in the home affects everyone. The entire family suffers stress, pain and isolation. Chaos reins, thanks to the cycle of abuse whereby good times are followed by a honeymoon stage to keep you locked in.
What's it like for kids? Really scary.
Watch the beautiful, chilling video below to get a kid's perspectives.
It happens in many ways, such as yelling, threats, verbal put-downs, withholding money, bodily harm, and more. And, although it primarily happens to women, men also can be victims.
Abuse in the home affects everyone. The entire family suffers stress, pain and isolation. Chaos reins, thanks to the cycle of abuse whereby good times are followed by a honeymoon stage to keep you locked in.
What's it like for kids? Really scary.
Watch the beautiful, chilling video below to get a kid's perspectives.
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What's Upscale Abuse?
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Click here to listen to the Kojo Nnamdi Show to learn about domestic violence in upscale marriages. Experts appearing on the show are therapist Susan Folwell and attorney Allan Plevy both who speak at our monthly Second Saturday program.
NotToPeopleLikeUs.com
This website, and book by the same title, is dedicated to hidden abuse in upscale marriages. Knowing you are not alone is so crucial to getting out. You'll find this site (and the book available for purchase) a gift of validation. You'll know you are not crazy.
The Weitzman Center
Founded by the author of Not to People Like Us (see next entry) the Center has a free Care Kit you can download. It will help you safely plan for when you are ready to get out. And plan you must. If you leave a high earning, narcissistic professional you can be in for quite a rough ride through the legal system. This type of abuser often uses his/her money and status to further the abuse via the legal system.
NotToPeopleLikeUs.com
This website, and book by the same title, is dedicated to hidden abuse in upscale marriages. Knowing you are not alone is so crucial to getting out. You'll find this site (and the book available for purchase) a gift of validation. You'll know you are not crazy.
The Weitzman Center
Founded by the author of Not to People Like Us (see next entry) the Center has a free Care Kit you can download. It will help you safely plan for when you are ready to get out. And plan you must. If you leave a high earning, narcissistic professional you can be in for quite a rough ride through the legal system. This type of abuser often uses his/her money and status to further the abuse via the legal system.
Custody Resources
Sadly, statistics show that an abuser will use the courtroom to further control and abuse his/her victims. Hope this doesn't happen to you. If it should, here are some additional resources that may help.
Custody Preparation for Moms
A non-profit website with articles, links and understanding geared toward moms battling for custody of their children.
Gathering Evidence for a Custody Trial
A concise, one page overview of how to gather, prove and present evidence to the court that you should have custody of your children. Excerpted from How to Gather Evidence to Present at Trial, by Ruth Jones, JD as published in Managing Your Divorce: A Guide for Battered Women published by the National Juvenile and Family Court Judges Resource Center on Domestic Violence.
Custody Preparation for Moms
A non-profit website with articles, links and understanding geared toward moms battling for custody of their children.
Gathering Evidence for a Custody Trial
A concise, one page overview of how to gather, prove and present evidence to the court that you should have custody of your children. Excerpted from How to Gather Evidence to Present at Trial, by Ruth Jones, JD as published in Managing Your Divorce: A Guide for Battered Women published by the National Juvenile and Family Court Judges Resource Center on Domestic Violence.